I only ask of you to contribute your honest, most brutal opinions. I cannot afford false compliments and superficial feel-good comments. That will only instill in me a false sense of security in what is in reality a pool of shit, piss and filth. And that would be the end of me. So please consider my state of well-being with constructive criticism and genuine opinion. There are some things I can't do alone.
I only got into the "writing game" just recently, so I am still in an infantile state. And just as a child learns not to touch a hot stove by actually enduring the painful and stupid experience of touching a hot stove, I can only possibly learn how to write better by the contribution of your most searing, corrosive criticisms. Point out any boring clichés, insignificant drivel and amateur mistakes I may and most assuringly will make. Also, point out anything specific that you liked, for the sake of my most sensitive ego and waning motivation.
You have my most heartfelt thanks for braving the reception of my hopefully thought-provoking pieces.
In complete and utter love of the most vile and most heavenly qualities that make us human,
T. Lee
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7 comments:
'compliments'
too many adjectives and reaching diction.
second sentence in second paragraph was a little redundant.
although this is not a criticism, the writing for me was a little dramatic.
I liked the analogy of the child getting hurt.
The spelling mistake was corrected. Thanks for pointing that out.
And as for the apparent overabundance of adjectives, it may be connected to my apparent flair for the dramatic. My process for using adjectives is delicate and I can defend the usage of each and every one of them individually.
One can argue postimpressionist painters use too many colors and strokes and another one can say minimalists don't use enough. But for the sake of creative expression, they're both considered legit styles. It's just a matter of taste.
In other words, I didn't pick adjectives out of a hat. I will admit that towards the end, I went a little too far and tip toed the thin line between drama and phoniness. If something like this occurs again in my later writings, be sure to singe me with a hot metal rod.
The redundancy of the second sentence of the second paragraph was intended. It may have been hard to read, but I couldn't think of any other way to write that sentence that satisfied me just as much.
Oh, and thanks for "liking the analogy".
Tom, my best advice to you -- as "hamburglar" has said -- is to pair down the adjectives and adverbs. Verbs and nouns should do the most work, not the words that modify them.
Honest, I struggle with adjectives. I'm always loathe to shed them, as I gather you are as well. But we should. Brevity is the American way. I'll lend you The Elements of Style by E.B. White and William Strunk Jr; that book's the authority on American grammar and style. Taught me a bunch.
Don't take my criticism the wrong way, dude; I encourage experimentation. Hell, it has cost me good grades, but I believe I'm a better writer because of it: just don't get too comfortable with any one style. I try to impose different author's styles on mine, just for practice. I believe, once you have a certain mastery of the established styles, your own style precipitates.
I'm gonna start BoHos up this quarter. I'd love to talk more about this.
Oh, and dude, Abe, Janelle, and I must tell the tale of New York -- all of us. We were walking down Broadway, and I said, "God dammit, Tom should be here." You coming next year, man. No excuses. I'll pay for your ticket if it comes to that.
When you back, by the way?
Critique from a stranger such as the hamburglar does not penetrate the protective layer that is produced by my pride. So I didn't take him too seriously.
But, your advice is delivered by the familiar voice of an "ami". Thus my guard is down and your words have gotten through to me.
This book called "The Elements of Style" interests me, as I admit I have no basic grounds to stand upon, and the absence of solidity is felt quite easily. I am in the purest experimentative state - that weary state of an amateur - seeing as I have not had any real proper education on writing. The grade school system has failed me on that. You should know.
Something inside me brightens up at the mention of BoHos coming alive again. Get to work on that, my friend. It will be good to see a new BoHos batch as well as the old.
New York City, Jesus Christ, how did I miss out? You gotta tell me your tales over cigarettes and some coffee. I'll hopefully be back tomorrow afternoon if things go right. Can't wait.
All I have to say is, just keep posting new things for me, as well as other people/friends, to read. Just keep practicing. Don't leave me hanging now. I better see new things for me to read quite frequently.
Thanks.
If I still got any guts and passion left, I will write regularly. You can be sure of it.
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